I married my husband at age 42. I already had two boys at that time. I gave birth to my first child in my teens and the second one in my 30s. Their fathers were never responsible fathers so I catered for them on my own. I am an usher at church and I was being pressured by the elders of the church to get married. I liked the idea of marriage because love is a good thing and we all need someone to share our lives with. The happy times and the sad times. It wasn’t easy being a single mother and I felt lonely many times although I never really admitted that to anyone. My first son doesn’t stay with me, he is an adult and he has left home. He comes to visit us once a while though.
A marriage was arranged between a widower in the church and me. Our pastors sat us down and spoke to us. We were told that at our age, it is good to have some companionship and company. I told my spiritual father that I was not comfortable with this, but the elders made me feel like I was opposing the authority of the man of God. They were willing to organize a simple ceremony for us and the man and I were not even friends from the beginning. We are just acquaintances. I just meet him and greet him on a normal day and that is all. I asked him if he would like to marry me and he told me he was still not over his late wife even though he died two years ago. They had three kids together.
Some months after that he told me we should give the marriage a try because it won’t hurt us in anyway and we can raise our children together. My sisters who are all married were also forcing me to accept him, so I did and we married two years ago. I’m not happy at the way my husband is treating me. He is one of those men who feels like as a husband he is my head and therefore I should know my place as a wife. He doesn’t consider my opinion in the marriage and he constantly makes me feel inferior. Any decision he takes is final and this has really affected me. I spoke to one of our church elders and he said I should learn how to submit to him because he is my husband. I respect him and I try to be a good wife, but he doesn’t regard me at all.
I spoke to another church elder and he is saying he will schedule a time with me and his wife so that she teaches me how to submit because as a wife, I should be quiet and trust my husband’s decisions without opposing it. My son was sacked for school fees the other time and I had to go and borrow money to pay for him to go back to school. Meanwhile his children were never sacked. I asked him about it and he said I should never question him again because he was planning to pay the boy’s fees but the money wasn’t ready. At the beginning of our marriage, he promised to take care of him as his own and told me to rent out my shop and be a house wife and I did that. I told my sister about wanting to divorce him and she told me to forget about a divorce because it will be so disgraceful for me because I was a single mother of two and I should be glad someone married me. I am not happy and I don’t know what to do.